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Being a
Stepmom
Raising a
family is not an easy job... but it can be more stressful in a
stepfamily. The children are part of the family from the
start of your life together as a stepfamily. It can be
just as much of an adjustment and complicated for the children
to make the transition into a
stepfamily.
I am in no
way trying to pretend to be his "bio" mother, nor do I want to
be... but you are basically thrown into the "mothering
role"... stepmothers are expected to love their stepchildren
as if their own. Stepmoms are just like any other kinds
of mothers in that we love, we care, we worry, we get angry,
we make mistakes, and sometimes even overprotect; but contrary
to popular belief from all the child stories... we aren't all
the "wicked stepmothers".
I got
married in May of 2002 to JB... and in the process I also
gained a stepson. Part of me was thrilled, but another
part of me still doesn't handle it well... see I have been
trying to have a baby of my own for years and years with no
luck... so days that I get depressed over it I really can't
handle the adjustment well. It is hard to raise someone
else's child while unable to ever bring a child of your own
into the world... you are being the "other" mom but no ones
mommy. Don't get me wrong, Nikolas really is a great
kid... its just my hang up of never being able to have my own
child that makes me miserable! Actually I really
couldn't ask for a better stepson. We usually only see
him twice a month for the weekends... being we live an hour
and a half apart, it doesn't make it easy to just pick him
up.
Stepmother's
Day - the Sunday after Mother's Day - how Stepmother's Day
came to be
10 Ways
to Be A Good Parent/Stepparent
from Second Wives Cafe
message board.
1) Encourage
alone time with the other parent/stepparent. A child needs a
relationship with all of the involved adults in their
lives.
2) Never bad mouth a parent/stepparent. A child
is a part of the other parent and lives at least some of the
time with the stepparent. Any negative comments about the
other parent/stepparent make a child feel badly about
themselves as either a part of that parent or for
loving/liking their stepparent. Practice this mantra "I will
take the high road."
3) Never badmouth a
father/stepfather - See #2 above
4) If they make a
mistake, tell them that it happens to everyone. Offer love,
support and encouragement. Dole out fair punishments to teach
a valuable lesson if the "mistake" was a lack of judgment or
good sense.
5)Allow a child to call the other
parent/stepparent at any time. Let the child know that you are
not hurt or offended should they want to talk to their other
parent/stepparent.
6) Avoid confrontations whenever
possible with the other parent/stepparent while the child is
present. Avoid arguments by not engaging in them with the
irate and irrational party. Deal with especially heated scenes
with poise, dignity and grace.
7) Try and make a child
feel comfortable in both homes. While a separate bedroom is
not always available or necessary, provide a space for all
personal belongings and do not allow the personal belongings
to be used when that child is not there. This goes both ways,
the "visiting" child should be made to feel like a part of the
household by having appropriate chores and responsibilities
like the rest of the family. The child should whenever
possible be involved in any "family" decisions but should also
know that some decisions are made by parents/stepparents
only.
8)Keep your wits about you at all public events
when all parents will be present. Converse with your
child/stepchild and encourage the involvement of the other
parent/stepparents. Hold your head high and know that by
abstaining from any public displays of anger (well deserved or
not) you are doing your very best for the
children/stepchildren. If the other party should bait and or
start a public argument have someone remove the child/children
from the area so as to protect them.
9)Encourage
affection for all parents/stepparents. A child should know
that "bonus" people that love them is a good thing. God made
our hearts expandable, when there are more people to love
there is more love to give.
10)Keep children out of any
adult topics, conversations, arguments. They are CHILDREN and
we need to allow them to be so. Again, practice this mantra "I
will take the high road."
Stepfamily
Day Proclamation
Stepfamily Day - September
16th
Stepfamily Day is
enhanced by our strong commitment to support the stepfamilies
of our nation in their mission to raise their children, create
strong family structures to support the individual members of
the family, instill in them a sense of responsibility to all
extended family members.
Approximately half of all
Americans are currently involved in some form of stepfamily
relationship and it is the vision of the Stepfamily
Association of America that all stepfamilies in the United
States be accepted, supported and successful.
Our
nation has been blessed by thousands upon thousands of loving
stepparents and stepchildren who are daily reminders of the
joy, trials, and triumphs of the stepfamily experience and of
the boundless love contained in the bond between all types of
parents and children.
Stepfamily Day is a day to
celebrate the many invaluable contributions stepfamilies have
made to enriching the lives and life experience of the
children and parents of America and to strengthening the
fabric of American families and society.
Stepparenting Links
Stepfamily Association of
America - National organization that offers info and support for
stepfamilies.
Step Carefully for your
Step Family
Second Wives
Cruscade
StepMom Group -
one-stop
destination for advice and info for Stepmoms
Second
Chances/Family...the Second Time Around
Dads at a Distance/Moms Over the
Miles -provides
info and support for non-custodial & long distance
parents
Joint Custody
Association - national organization for parents who have or are
seeking joint custody.
Step Together -
provides virtual
support for Stepfamilies
CoMamas
Association -
provides ex-wives and stepmothers techniques for getting
along.
 
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